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Lila Illustrations

like putting fish in a barrel

raiders of the lost art

with a little help from my friends

I can see my country!

outré gourmet

“I speak for the fleas”

really?

not in my wildest dreams

900 meals away from anarchy

highway to hell

Winslow Homer, “Foraging”

“A Foraging Party”

Sure glad the hole isnt on our end!

getting a leg up

American’s most unwanted

out beyond ideas of good and bad

“pick up someone your own species!”

I take what I find; I don’t want no more. It’s just outside of your front door.

paper or plastic?

give peas a chance

ollatabambooza

I got money everywhere, fallin’ off the trees

got game by the pound

smartweeding

dependently wealthy

the bane in Spain

woodrat stuff with my friends

largesse

where moth and rust doth corrupt

to enter the kingdom of mushrooms…

two for the price of none

ca-ching

product re-placement

child support

no one is an island

eating out

“Why pay others to frolic in the luscious gardens of Earth, picking flowers and enjoying themselves…?”

outsourced

BC

so laughing matter

he’s got the whole world in his hands

I need to be the governor

threat to society

typical

typical

typical

Im a fun guy!

shark tank

orange alert

“All things foul and dangerous… all creatures short and squat… All things sick and cancerous… the Lord God made the lot”

Kalifornia dreamin’

I wish they all could be

grandma’s hands

down home girl

long-haired freaky people need not apply

foragers in the area

worse than my bite

the OG

the queen hopes it rains again

to the cleaners

glean down the mission

mycorrhozymandias

that’s MYtake!

one oak over the line

rockin the paradise

happy meal

up where we belong?

debasement

I was born a bramblin’ man

my little pretty

free as air

cravers of the lost

anything goes

the choice

were gonna leave sodbusting behind

twice-foraged

in the manscape

specious

subjects in the mirror are closer than they appear

holding environment

I BREAK FOR FUNGUS

can find my way home

power point

born to be wild watch and learn! born

crouching hunter, hidden mushroom

dont feed the foragers

Peter the Wild Boy, found living on acorns, may have inspired Peter Pan

you can buy your hair if it won’t grow

no dame for the tame

You savage, untamed she-devil — I adore you!”

shining example

I feel like bustin’ loose

spicy!

superbad

sir, this is a Wendys

how does it feel when you got no shrooms?

pollyannatomically correct

not spawned to scale

better the devil in hand

bummer of the summer

chanterelles, squashed on arrival

if I had a hammer

when life gives you rain

singing in the rainforest

living on the outside

my classroom

Platos cave

arbeit macht frei

in the ghetto

our daily dread

to each their own

cloud-hidden, worry-abouts unknown

the toad less trampled

poco loco in the coco

life

scrounging at The Greenbrier

trick or treat

sitting pretty

log heaven

If I can’t have you…

independently healthy

“you’re still young, that’s your fault”

I would seek the man who gathers mushrooms. He has entered the mountains to search out the rocks marrow.

mind-blowing

small things considered

all for one…

…and a ton for all

life’s a beach

Sir, this is a forest.”

a mushroom by my own hair

wry class

pick-bait

mom loves the both of them

plotluck

barking up the wrong tree?

better hunting through chemistry?

carpe Commelina

makes the world taste good

yes sir, yes sir, five bags full

beautification station

heading to hospice

word on the street

Deer Joe letter

sting operation

while you see a chant’

oh the irony

MILF: Mushroom I’d Like to Forage

hurry up and wait

one mans trash

a goodie but an oldie

we all fall in love sometimes

When life gives you peaches

“Gathering Mushrooms”

I have wetter things to do

pop up restaurant

things we can learn from a dog

radical sabbatical

rest awhile

stop and smell the fungus

off the rails

fungal knee-mail

fair conditioning

rope light jump rope

love language

from tree to you

The hen of Your garment

as above, so below

can’t help thinking it’s a miracle

Personal Fungus

eat and play station

“hello stranger”

qwerty dancing

like a good neighbor…

survival of the cutest

“I could eat you up!”

superswipe

“every day is like survival…”

the clothes make the fan

wherefore art thou

love so mush

a day in the life

use me

I’ve got you now

let my love open the door

Frank Cook interviewing a few buds

“Calvatiacadabra, I wanna reach out and grab ya”

a little froggie told me

this mushroom is the bomb

rooting for the underlog

wooly bully

grasp the nettle

family gathering

we are gathered here today

quality time

wald in the family

I’m just waiting on a friend

stepping out

Morning! Hows the food chain?

kill or thrill?

top of the heap

lynx stomper don’t care

huitlacoche, a.k.a. bird turd, corn smut, and porn on the cob: a Mexican delicacy also used to stimulate uterine (not gastric) evacuation

here comes the knight

a reishi grows in Brooklyn

short people

our fodder, which art official

news of the weird

Will you stand above me, look my way, never love me? Rain keeps falling down…

Czechoslovakia, c. 1970

U.S.S.R., c. 1940’s

a fungal romance

Russians give thanks for finding mushrooms

wild, wanton, weird

fake news

same to you

home symbiome

just doing my job

things that go shrump in the night

running with the devil? (c. 8000 BP)

I love the nightlife

forbidden fruit

allow me to introduce myself

fungi, underground lair

the monster mash

do you come from a land down under?

Viagra Falls

shit me in your best spot

space oddity

The Ford Mushroom, believed to attract ETs

do you see what I see?

myconspiracy theory

heavenly bodies

“wolf farts”

no bun intended?

I’m on it

split personality

the original crop circle

mushroom impossible

got to give it up

where the decomposers dwell

les misérables?

“gonna get you sucka”

bombastic

crowning “Miss Cue”

love thy mess

public display of erection

Homo erectus

it takes all sorts

one good turn…

…deserves another

geotrumpism

don’t judge a brain by its cover

time to make the doughnuts

OOMSHRMU

vortex spiral

break out the bubbly

celebrate good times, come on

the rainbow connection

“on the wreck of the year they flourished…”

dead man’s fingers

the best ears of my life

in to lunch

out of the woodwork

pump up the jamb

fruiting body

we should have each other for dinner

“Noxious Growths in Liberty’s Grounds”

one man’s manure…

big brother

a child shall heed them

theyre delicious!

waking tall

the powers that tree

plant parenthood

little house on the faerie

caught in the wacked

gas up

“Maybe she’ll pick me out again. How long must I wait?”

hog wild

wake up and smell the emoji

have throne, will travel

old hat

honeywagon

“you’re not the moss of me!”

lichen…

…or not

we have ways to make you stalk

egg salad

off the griddle

working off a white rice sugar rush

musmorgasbord

acorn cookies and ilk

true that

false advertising

human taste buds: the reason mushrooms taste so good?

all hail the drunchies (college wall-hanging)

vitamin D

Happiness Dwells Here

nootropic tribbles

“false turkey tail”

Im not cut out for this!

need to know basis

mutiny on the bounty

unsoiled

hideous or insidious?

paydirt?

“children who take this grow like mushrooms”

grain on the brain

scientifically-proven

who can you trust?

no such animal

take it from the top

chag-a-block

she put the chaga on my tongue

better thing to do

gimme some chuga

forever fung

“to mingle with the Universe, and feel what I can ne’er express, yet cannot all conceal”

eleusidate me

red herring?

beasties

drop and get me twenty

plastic Jesus?

living the meme

my genetic communities

Eastern fly agaric, with company

bad eggnog?

must be 48” to ride

the world’s first “Just Say No” ad? (Algeria, c. 8000 BP)

Mormon Temple, Santa Monica, Christmas 2002

mixed message

nice lob

nothing to get hung about

killin yo mind like a poisonous mushroom

whereabouts unsown

Come on home, girl” he said with a smile. “You don’t have to love me yet, let’s get high awhile.”

out there

the buck starts here

if only they were mealworms

the icing on the cap

the wages of singing

urban purslane there to remind me

dream if you can a front yard

when the cupboard’s bare, I’ll still find something there

some things are better with butterbur

bad trip

made in the shade

no face like gnome

“It’s definitely either midlife crisis or poison mushrooms.”

FILTH (Foragers Id Like To Hug)

collective happiness

back to black

doing my civet doody

cornered

me too

oh sh*t

I’ve got hungry eyes

you really got me

in my role as treasurer

is this heaven or a foragers Instagram?

true love

with dyer’s polypore

“He is of the race of the mushroom: he covers himself altogether with his head.”

living the low life

morel fiber

pretty good odds?

licensed to kill

overshadowed

to each their groan

deviled eggs

dropping by for rock tripe

love on the rocks

the smell of it makes you hungry

frognoscenti

Rorschachs cube

we heard that!

self-barfing puffball

winner winner, chicken dinner

to the beastro

too cool for stool

in with the old and the new

sometimes you feel like a nut

amazing grapes?

every form of refuse has its price

we’ll always have each other

coddled eggs

made of this

not GRAS

puff piece

Trojan zinnia

Collybia! Collybia! What makes your big head so hard?

high morel standards

here we wind round the nondairy mush

don’t discard me just because you think I mean you harm

better dread the red

a hot mess?

honey, I shrunk the Death Star

fill it to the rim

forestensic science

not everybody plays

works for me

grounds for immediate dismissal?

mushroom roulette

Will you recognize me? Call my name or walk on by?

you want the spice, you roll the dice

ball of confusion

bun intended

growing four feet away…

a horse of a different color

how convenient

“I won’t eat a Amanita”

tear here to open

you chews, you lose

tall order

damage control

you must have me confused…

with someone else

morel uncertainty (plant sprouting into walnut shell)

morilles farces (bear corn)

Chucky chicken (doll heads)

another roadside attraction (popcorn)

I brake for morels (pine cones)

pick your poison

gorge us!

NATURAMA

smartweed and rhododendron

I would die 4 U

skullduggery

pick bait

rash decision

shelf awareness

hot take

pricey vs. dicey

some white guy

call me Mr. Blue

glitterati

name buffet

Watch me! I got it.

you must be trippin’

buy American (Taylor F. Lockwood)

seemed like a good idea at the time

driving Miss Berkeley

animal, vegetable, miracle?

sex ed

eyes down here!

three’s company

building the perfect feast

sign of the times

spotted web cap

meet the new moss, same as the old moss

groovy

best chat ever

fairy potato and duck confit

the spiel deal

hen and chick

facial profiling

secret weapon

smoked mushrooms

guess which one is named Beard

don’t take my word for it

how do you keep order without class?

mercy mercy me

dirty deeds done cheap

peasants responding to fearsome bull invite His Holiness to take in the view

way to go?

psssssst

“If mushrooms you don’t understand

c/o AI

pillz

fly agaric

odd official intelligence

“I’ll just stick to chanterelles”

pretty in ink

before enlightenment

purple rain

Normie

catfish selfie

one for the books

one for the books

really butchered that one

definitely Britney Spears

like falling off a log

no thanks

which is butter

look up to your elders

universal nettle test

toad school

what a tool believes

teaching to the choir

a decent sort

failure to communicate

which one checked emissions?

coming up short

who the cap fit

just do it

half-lobsterized mushroom

I know a little bout lobster; baby, I guess the rest

now you see them…

…now you do

pickup on this

acorny but a goodie

snail mail

“Between every two pine trees, there is a door leading to a new way of life.”

mycophagia, here we come!”

hear a Who?

Mr. Big Stuff

what’s wrong with this picture?

“Do you take me for a fool?”

youre up

Sam did not want to listen… but his father was very angry. ‘Sam! If you make a mistake, we may all die.’

Yo!

“Let me shelter you under my umbrella”

mother knows best

don’t judge a tool by its cover

Sámi Flaveous Jr.

over-surprised guy

tentative

fraught in the act

think twice

counterinsurgeoncy

bingeworthy or cringeworthy? (persimmon black walnut parfait)

grave issue

I think I love you, but I wanna know for sure

pint-size

making me blush

polyporazzi

crapshot

high jinks with the _______

from the horse’s mouth?

we need your kelp

follow the eater?

follow the mellow big toad

wild party

“what’s up with her?”

organic traffic

so shines a good weed

don’t cry out loud…

a steal?

gnome man’s land

“Scrumpers”

nuns and straights no longer hold you in

one in every crowd

there’s a place for us

even elephants forget

every girl crazy bout an AARP-dressed man

don’t belie the stipe

ebony and ivory

Leonardos leftovers not necessarily fit for human consumption

The School in the Forest (1931)

Bride of Frankenfoods? Eat-your-vegetables gum “hasn’t been perfected yet”

recent guide showing “deadly Amanita”

color me bad

shadow of a doubt

And it was a face that, strangely enough, now that he was on the mushroom planet, seemed faintly greenish – greenish as is the flesh of all mushroom people – and his thin, long fingered hands as well.”

teaching fungal family values

don we now our gay apparel

This is not a pipe.

this is not a mushroom

K.I.S.S.

“I just had it backward, Fred. With this kind, it’s pink that’s poisonous.”

not so happy meal

hmmmm

eat my shorts

the bitter bolete

on the up and up

danger, danger when you taste white sugar

“the kind of mistake a man can make only once”

“You’ll know it’s a toadstool if it kills you.”

what a web cap we weave

gonna be a sensation

the clothes don’t make the man

The brick tops are coming! The brick tops are coming!

now how do I get down?

“mind if I join you?”

wait for it

I wasn’t born yesterday

someone left take out in the rain

I was born in a crossfire hurricane

Fall smell’s breakin’ loose

if I can make it there

race against the machine

better homes in yardens

don’t look back

InkedIn

caul on me

mother hen

one more for the road

one less for the rodent

looking out my front window, December 2018…

by the time I noticed

it was already rotten.

from under my nose

here today, goo tomorrow

sodum

“won’t you take me to fungi town?”

lonely at the top

no tell morel

fliegensteinpiltz

looking out from #1

social distance

prime real estate

cruise only as directed

jail bait

Appalachian outlaw

tricky ground

taking the lead

destroying angles?

check it out, y’all

balls to the wall

grapes of wrath

grave yard sale

Pbreze

how do you like them apples?

look sharp

Carhart taffeta classics

dress is casual

the fears of a clown

a bit much

you never know

the shirt off my back

inconspicuous consumption

umbrella policy

a tisket, a tasket

trick and treat

the brife of the party

left my brife on San Francisco

my pocket’s got a hole in it

how thoughtful!

can you get to that?

a paradise that’s trouble-proof

imp-devised explosive device

the reason for the sneezin

wait, wait… don’t smell me

stranger danger

ad nauseum

pre-existing largition

haul in the family

yew are here

red rum?

“but mamma, that’s where the fun is”

never lost the skillet

bring all your boys in, here come the poison

got to cook it

foo foom

into the mouths of babes

have to cook it 2

give me liberty caps or give me death

fools fall in love

words from the wise

steep learning curve

I wear my eyeglasses at night

hidden in plane site

sticky fingers

put your hen in the hand of the woman who filled the order

absquatulations

members only

“I’m sure we’ll blend right in”

chicken tonight

don’t go reishing waterfalls

buddy system

occupational hazard

coppernican system

snake and bake

devil or angel

hands off

beds are burning

right back at ya

I sentence you to be exposed…

listten up

looks like we got us a champignonvoy

something’s fishy (Taylor F. Lockwood)

woodn’t you know it

stumped

on the toes of giants

get down on it

no dumbbell

you’ve changed

long and short in the tooth

now you see it…

now you won’t

warts and all

if you love somebody

refrigerate after opening

“I can’t drive 5.5!”

bugs not drugs

eating out

it was fungus while it lasted

move over peonies

revisionary history

rise of the arthropods

you look larvelous

high-tech collection system

in action (close up)

bug off!

looks like a worms eye view to me

okay, just a little pinprick”

no biggie

why not take all of me?

litter in Asheville,2019

little rascals

dirty work

should I stay or should I go

buffalo skullduggery

run and tell that

Rice Errony

the L word

beat me to the mulch

“I can’t remember!”

mohel the soil?

strategy of the commons

Lycoperdon, puffed for the 31st time

superspreader

without the soil for getting down

persona non-gratin

I melt with you

a bill of goods

never lets the crabgrass grow too high

rape and sodomy in green

grab and go

captain of our soil

“My head is bloody, but unbowed.”

paradox?

working up a gold sweat

late night at the office

somebody’s messin’ with my goodies

sticky subject

fair trade

“I shall give you the loveliest thing I can think of: that you should always be happy”

touched by the deli lama

“why have you desserted me?”

chow down

triple-decker

one giant cep for mankind

Wait, don’t tell me: more slippery jacks. Great.”

“one of these days…”

my name shouldn’t be trouble; my fame shouldn’t be woe

in France, le bolet rude. I’ll say!

got milk?

not your redular guy

the moment we’ve all been hunting for

in case you don’t know jack

if you win you get this shiny mushroom made of gold

TCBY

my secret layer

pretty in pink

chiropractors delight

“I said neigh!”

if you leave me now, you’ll take away the biggest part of me

“we have ways to make you gawk”

interlude

and two for all

poor black-staining polypore…

…has imposter syndrome

don’t get me wrong

this patch will dispatch you

funghole

outsized contribution

backwoods jelly roll

loaves and fishies

buttery lobster

orange you glad were not mushrooms?

my lovely shady shrumps

field day

“I smelled something which smelled as if it would taste delicious!”

got to be good lookin cause youre so hard to see

follow the wood chip road

street mulchkins, taking the lead

what kind of fool

killin’ yo brain like an edible mushroom

we hold these shrooms

hardly self-evident

fungus envy

purple dye polypore…

…is to die for

ace of spades (Lopharia spadicea)

Nothing comes between me and my Calvatia.

close encounters of the turd kind

cracked cap polypore

harvester of hearts

comb tooth

using ink from shaggy mane

raft of ideas

crafty boy can survive

high and dry

going in seine

“I’m mold dregs!”

every now and then I fall apart

I don’t like the look of it

the spoils of victory

don’t forget behind the ears

dont say the m word

Who let the grubs out??

ok, who’s packing a load?”

Captain Crunch

hit me with your best snot

we’re BAAACK!

use it or lose it

use it or lose it 2

harbinger of hamburger

chance encounter

“Nature in the raw is seldom mild.”

toxic muskashroomity

time to buy a camp stove

picking a fight

“maybe it’s too many uncooked meals”

pinworm wizard

“them’s chitin words!”

can’t keep a good mane down

chick pic

focus

pipe dream

sacred drainage

Wish You Were Here (mature dog barf slime mold)

spinning the wheel

the plot sickens?

agrigators

rockin the myc

we were not too young at all

wash and wait

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

give the gift that says, “you are so weird”

Take one for the team!

every one

looking better every minute

mediocre broker

burn rubber

a touchy subject

never say never

“Did I say I’m the slickest there is?”

do as I say

alone again, unnaturally

Ive got it all down to a tea, and it’s free

found object, readymade

their moss to bear

Fungus Hilton

how’s it hanging?

Sparrasis on the brain

sweet painted ladieswear

The Birth of Fungus

who is that gaucho amigo?

make a monkey out of me

made from scratch

Haida creation story, c. 1890

it’s beginning to look a lot like stiffness

way tumescent

Dict in a box

fun with fern spores, a.k.a., “dragon’s breath”

too cool for school

inpatient love

morel motel

puff daddy

why its called the boonies

underworked and overpaid

Milkweed pods for life jackets in WWII. Total gathered, mostly by children: 25 million pounds.

you might not ever get rich, but you never have to look like Abercrombie & Fitch

all about the Benjamins?

dead meat

every dogwood has her day

game over

sign of the times

the whole world in my hands?

twenty-pound tank

after picking a bunch

and more on the way

that lousy t-shirt

this bud’s for you

offsetting the applecart

no kill I

“you wanna piece of THIS?”

going postal

another day, another sale

communalist party

that’s a switch

“you may be a cutey, but I’ll still kick your booty”

if you don’t know me by now

my love lives outside my window

from generation to generation

time to take in the trash

my psychedelic breakfast

friend with benefits

The “Eye of Providence” or “All-Seeing Eye”

Chase Bank nipping at your toes

the pluck to pluck

British government ad, 1943

The Creation of God

the beast in me

take a chant’ on me

black walnuts

ramps

onion grass

lambsquarter and wineberries

onion grass

sumac

onion grass

ramps

garlic mustard, cattail pollen, lambsquarter seed, bee balm flower, sumac, fennel flower, and sassafras birch moonshine

it takes all kinds

© 2026, Alan Muskat